I agreed not to work today. I messaged work that I won’t be in, and that I won’t be available. We’re still having some problems with our oxygen, and Sharon basically told me off for trying to work last night while light headed and feeling bad. It was also ~4 a.m.

I just don’t know what to do now. <laugh> This is usually me:

Even during this whole flare-up, I’ve kept up to date on my work email and messages, checking them every day. Now I’ve agreed not to even do that for a day. This is proving to be a very hard thing to accomplish.

Hi, my name is Saoirse, and I’m a workaholic.

I don’t get the whole work-life balance thing. If I’m not directly working at my job, I’m working on something related to it so I can do my job better. (Or I’m sleeping so I have energy to work.) I actually have anxiety problems when I’m not working. I’m always afraid of being fired, of not measuring up some how. Mind you, I’ve only been laid off twice in over 25 years. Once was voluntary, and once half the company was let go at the same time, so it wasn’t exactly personal. So why am I so afraid of losing my job?

One, I’m afraid someone in the system will quit my job. It’s happened. Two, I think its all related to my work experiences growing up, working in my parent’s print shop as a child. That’s a topic to explore in therapy, I think, and not necessarily a blog post.

I think the answer on what to do right at the moment is to go back to bed. Short blog post is short.