Yes, your thoughts and prayers are welcome during this time. I don’t know if they’ll help, but I figure they can’t hurt, so keep ’em coming.

You may notice that I talk about “working with” deities, but not necessarily worshiping them. That’s different from some others in the system, who are more religious. Personally, I’m more or less agnostic. I haven’t seen proof in either direction. Divinity is a known unknown to me, a mystery I don’t expect to solve this life. And I’m more or less OK with that.

To me, the Gods and Goddesses are symbolic representations of certain aspects of existence, but not necessarily beings in and of themselves. So when I “work with” one, I’m bringing those concepts, those energies, into my being, into my life. To me, symbolism is the syntax of a programming language, like C++ or Python for the subconscious. And performing a ritual ceremony is like writing a program. Just as different programming languages are better for certain tasks than others, I find that different Gods and Goddess are better for some things than others.

Now where it starts getting a little mystical for me, is when I consider the nature of reality. I kind of think of it as a mass hallucination, formed in concert with every other conscious being in existence. So, if I can program myself, who is to say I can’t program reality? The problem is that most of the time, different folks’ programs conflict and compete with each other – we’d all like that winning the lotto script to work, after all.

So if reality is this push/pull of various intents, organized prayer is potentially a very, very powerful force. That’s why I ask for prayers, even though I don’t worship any deity. I believe that we create our own realities, and together we create the one big reality. The more people who try to bend reality towards a specific outcome, the better…. or worse, in some dark parts of history.

If I was a Christian, I’d probably be a catholic, so I could work with the various saints. But folks, that ship has sailed, and I’m not a Christian, and I’m not going to become one. I gave it a shot. I’ve read most of the Bible… I do admit to skimming through who begat who, but I got the important bits. It just doesn’t ring true with me. Actually, I don’t so much have a problem with Christ’s teachings as I do with some of his followers.

I used to have a huge chip on my shoulder when it came to Christianity and God, because growing up I was convinced that if I just tried harder to be a good Christian, God would intervene in the hell that was my life and save me. Well… that didn’t happen. If God was all powerful, he sure was a bastard for letting the trauma continue year after year. (Yes, I’m one of the trauma holders in the system.) I just couldn’t believe in an omnipotent deity, at least not a good one. Then there is the little problem of being aware of being transgender and being attracted to both sexes…. not exactly popular with some in the Christian crowd, as various people who have told me I’m going to hell will attest.

I tend to agree with Stephen Fry’s outlook on a monotheist God, as given in the short video below. I leave you with it as I go off to take a shower and start my day.

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