Our Father Died

We're kind of all over the place tonight. This afternoon, Saoirse received word that our father had died. Celebratory Ice Cream was ordered, and tears of relief were shed... and for a few hours it looked like that would be that. That was, however, not that. While some in the system, like Saoirse, are truly..

…And Then a Wild Janet Appeared

It seems with Saoirse 2.0 there is also Janet 2.0. It's different, that's for sure. We weren't as separate, I just strongly shifted from "Saoirse-ish" to "Janet-ish". It's all in my memory bank - at least the hard, cold facts. I didn't really record the emotions Janet-ish me expressed, though? I'm still working all that..

Who Am I?

I have no idea exactly where I end and Saoirse begins - that's kind of extra blurry now. For awhile its like we merged, and then Saoirse pulled away, but we're still stuck together more than we were before? I don't know how to explain it. I know that I've mostly been asleep for weeks..

Dereal Deal

One of the fun things about DID is you essentially get all the dissociative disorders. It's like a combo meal. Today for lunch we're having serious DPDR (Depersonalization/Derealization). Basically no one is really solidly buckled into the driver's seat. Saoirse is there, and is typing this, but is watching themselves from kind of floaty 3rd..

Love

It was Love that brought me back. My love for my system, their love for me - I'm Saoirse 2.0 because of love. And yes, I am still working out what version 2.0 means. That's a topic for another blog post. My therapist said something that surprised me the other week. He mentioned "the L..

Saoirse 2.0

Believe it or not, that last post was written in a stream of consciousness, without any real editing. That's pretty much a raw view of what its like sometimes in my head. <laugh> Twenty five years ago that would have been written out long hand in a journal while in a ritual circle. There would..

Diary of a Journey…

Forest Wanderer & I start the journey by walking through the forest at night. It's peaceful. The stars are out. We walk in silence. My mind is going 1000 miles an hour - is it possible I could un-fuse, and go back to the people I was before? If it is possible, is it something..

What Do You Want From Me?

This is a note to my headmates, as we seem to be moving more and more internal stuff to the blog as opposed to email, which is fine, I guess. It's true that the last month I've been floundering a bit in who I am, but I didn't expect how.... needed? popular? Saoirse was. First..

Council Thoughts

Hi everyone, its Sharon again. Jes was supposed to work some this holiday weekend, but that didn't happen. Oops. I don't know what's going on in Jes-land the past few days, while I've been out a lot. I hope they're OK. I've posted on a couple of DID groups that didn't seem toxic, asking how..

To Saoirse…

I've met Jes now, and while I can see Saoirse-ness there, it isn't the same. I broke down into hard sobs tonight because I miss Saoirse. Yeah, it surprised me too. So here is a final letter to Saoirse, to say goodbye. "Hey, asshat. How go the goat sacrifices? I put on some of your..